I'm lovin' me some Tulsa

Life is really what you make it. When I was here for work eight years ago I hated Tulsa. I said I never wanted to come back to this little piece of hell.

Things have changed. Actually, what's really changed is me. When I was here in 2001 I was over 100 pounds overweight. The heat made me miserable. Worse than the heat was that I hated being in a lab all day with young, really smart guys. They made me feel old and ugly and stupid. Every night I'd go back to my hotel room and dread the next day. I'd drive to fast food places and buying two or three hamburgers and then drive to a grocery store and stock up on cookies and candy.

This visit couldn't be more different than my 2001 visit. I'm actually having fun. I'm enjoying working with the young guys, talking to them and getting to know them as we work towards getting our software certified.

I'm much more outgoing this time. Last time I didn't even try to talk to any of them. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and be invisible. I was ashamed of how I looked, I thought they probably thought I was fat, stupid and lazy. Whether they did or didn't it doesn't really matter. It was what I thought of myself.

Last time the coworker that I came here with didn't do a thing with me. I was certain he had a fat phobia, didn't want to be seen with a fat girl, someone might mistake me for his wife. Heaven forbid that would happen. Ironic twist on that is that his wife has gained over 80 pounds and he recently confided in me on how he could help her lose the weight.

This time I'm seeing the sights every night, hitting the gym every morning (LOVE the gym that's just down the road - beautiful!). I'm also going out to lunch and dinner with my coworker (he's also a good friend), and someitmes with the vendor. We're having a great time. Yup, loving Tulsa this time.

Note: I have lots of pictures from my Fairbanks trip and already a bunch from Tulsa, but my work laptop won't take a Sony Memory Stick and I forgot the cord to connecto the camera to the laptop. Sorry, pictures when I get back home.

Tulsa baby!

Okay, so Tulsa isn't quite the same as Las Vegas. It's Sunday at 10:30 a.m.and we're finally here.

Yesterday was a whirlwind with a four-hour hotel stay in Dallas during our seven hour layover. I've had a total of five hours of sleep the last two nights. I'm definitely running on adrenaline right now (and coffee, lots of coffee). I'm suppose to be napping, but I can't sleep (maybe it was the coffee?).

Like an idiot I checked my carry on bag and my suitcase, so I basically have nothing but my laptop and my purse. Luckily the Woodland-Hills mall is right across the street. If my bags don't come I'm going shopping. We checked in a full hour before our flight and then it was delayed a half hour. I'm not sure what happened to my bags but hopefully they'll be in on the next flight at 2:30pm.

Staying good on the food. Not hard to do when I didn't bring any food and I'm traveling with a guy that really watches his weight and works out a lot. He also doesn't eat much. He's the one that's always telling me it's mind of matter when it comes to food. I wish it was that easy for me.

No dinner last night, but we had the Continental breakfast in the hotel when we got here. Scrambled eggs, banana, English muffin with strawberry jam, a non-fat, sugar-free yogurt and a cup of milk. A whopping 10 Points, but since no dinner last night I was starving!

Okay, off for a little nap, then the mall opens noon and I'm buying some shorts, tank top and sandals. Then we're off to float down the Illinois River, thanks to Amy's great advice. Check out Amy's website because she's done an amazing job losing weight.

Off to bed now. Suddenly I'm so exhausted I can barely sit here.

Life goes on

Thank you for all your very kind comments yesterday. I really appreciated it during my little breakdown. I agree with everything you said. I've come a long way in the past 18 months, and I'm much happier now than I was when I started this journey.

I still struggle with food at times, and sometimes it seems unbearable. Yesterday was one of those times.

Today I feel better, stronger, like I can handle this. It's okay, life will go on. I won't gain back everything (one of my greatest fears), and I will get to goal. Eventually.

Speaking of life...

It's 3 a.m. Saturday, and I can't sleep. I have a million things to do before I leave for Tulsa this afternoon, and I can't shut my brain off. I slept about three hours last night.

Yesterday was frantic to say the least. There was one emergency after another with our Tulsa vendor. The trip was on, the trip was off, the trip was on again, off again, and finally it was decided we're going regardless if things are perfect or not. This next week will be a challenge.

Today I have things to do for work, things for the trip, personal things like a manicure/pedicure. I haven't even unpacked my suitcase from my Fairbanks' vacation. Laundry, shopping for a few things, changing around some of the reservations. Of course my number one priority is the gym. My flight leaves at 6 p.m.

It's going to be a crazy day/night, with a 7-hour layover in Dallas tonight. We have hotel reservations in Dallas but we'll barely be able to get to the hotel before we have to leave again for the airport. Fun times traveling space available as an airline employee on business. Who knew the whole world wanted to go to Tulsa this weekend.

I plan on blogging while in Tulsa. I'll have a laptop and internet access. My coworker, who is also a good friend, wants to see the sights of Tulsa. Looking online it doesn't exactly look like the most exciting city. I'm sure there's something to do, maybe a museum or the movies and of course, eating out. I'm actually taking my scale with me. I know, crazy, but I weigh every day and get a little weirded out if I can't. It'll keep me honest when I eat out.

We also have access to a brand new gym across the street from the hotel. My coworker is a big gym rat and he's already agreed to hitting the gym every day with me.

Yes, life does goes on, even when I have little mental breakdowns over my weight. I guess since I can't seem to stop this merry-go-round, I'll just enjoy the ride.