Weekend update / 187.4

Saturday!
It's Saturday! I love Saturday. It's my favorite day of the week. It's the first day of the weekend, with thoughts of relaxation and doing what I want, when I want to do it. Well, sort of. It often turns into housework, laundry, shopping for the week, and then collapsing at the end of the day.

Last weekend, by the end of the weekend I was drop dead exhausted from cleaning, normal weekend chores, and yard work. Sunday night at 6pm I decided to wash my car, which turned into a two-hour chore. This weekend I plan on doing the bare minimum of housework, and a lot of relaxing.

Speaking of  yard work, can someone explain to me why my poor little flowers look stunted from the cold weather, lack of sun, and an over abundance of rain, yet the weeds are more prolific then ever?

My hanging baskets, that are usually in their full glory by now, look pretty much the same as when I bought them three weeks ago. I know it doesn't do any good to complain about the weather, but can we at least have a little sunshine and warmth? We've suffered through nine months of dark and rain, and I'm starting to think summer is never going to come to the Northwest.

With the nasty weather, the slugs have gone to crazytown. Last weekend I bought some organic, all-natural slug bait. It's not toxic to humans or pets, but it is toxic to the slugs. Later I read to use beer, which I was going to try if the slug bait didn't work. It did and we seem to be free of the little beasts for now. Although I had already picked about 30 of the slimy monsters off my Gerbera Daisies (slugs are so gross!). I put them in the recycle bin where they can much to their hearts content.

Great book
I'm reading a really book, Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. At work I get sent boxes of books every two weeks that were left on board our aircraft by our passengers and were unclaimed. I set them out on a table at work for people to purchase. All the money goes to an employees assistant fund at work. I limit my own purchases to two books per box (there are usually 20-30 books per box).

I've seen Lovely Bones come through several times and each time I'd read the back of the book. and think, this sounds way too depressing. It came in again last week and someone saw me looking at it and told me it was one of the best books they've ever read. So I bought it, and I could barely put it down. I'm about three-fourths of the way through it and I don't want it to end. Really good book if you can get through the first chapter (no details, but it's a little disturbing--but the rest of the book makes up for it).

Diet and exercise
Since this is a "weight-loss blog" I should say something about how I'm doing in this area of my life. I'm doing pretty good, not perfect, but much better than the past several weeks. I seem to have pulled out of my depression/pity party I was having for myself. I've been waking up happy and feeling like life is good. I'm not dreading my days or hating my job. Things are much better in all areas.

I only tracked my food one day last week, but I ate better than I have in weeks (no sugar). My weight this morning was 187.4. Not fabulous, but at least I'm finally going the other direction.

I seem to have gotten a handle on the night eating. It sounds sort of silly to say this, but I made up a rule for myself that seems to be working. When I go to bed, I don't allow myself get up to go eat. In fact, I try to not even go near the kitchen after I go to bed.

I don't know why this is working for me or what prompted me to just say enough with the night eating. Stop it. I actually listened to the voice in my head and haven't gotten up in the middle of the night to eat for several nights. I'm not saying it's a guarantee that I won't do it again, but I feel like I'm breaking the cycle I was in.

I didn't make it to Weight Watchers today, but I'm going tomorrow morning. There's a 9:30 meeting I plan on attending. It's not my favorite leader, but at least it's a meeting and an official weighin.

My exercise was good last week, and it got better as the week progressed. Yesterday was the best workout I've had in weeks. Even though I've been going to the gym or walking almost every day, my heart hasn't been in it. Last week I could feel myself getting my old enthusiasm back. I had a great workout yesterday. Thirty minutes on the StairMaster and a full forty minutes up upper body weights.

I've added a little twist to my workouts. I have to try out a new exercise or a new machine at least twice a week and add a challenge for myself at least once a week. Yesterday my challenge was to increase the dumbbell weight for my concentrated bicep curls from 20 pounds to 25. I had been completing three sets, 15 reps each set with the 20-pound dumbbell. I knew it was getting too easy, but I've been lazy and not interested in challenging myself. Yesterday I tried three sets of 12 reps each with the 25-dumbbell. It was hard, especially by the third set, but I did it!

I'm feeling very hopeful and happy. Life is good, and it's getting better.

There is light at the end of this dark tunnel

For the first time in weeks I woke up feeling like life is good. I'm not dreading going to work. I'm looking forward to heading off to the gym in a few minutes. Even though the sky here in the Northwest is dark, there's a promise of "sun breaks" today (a popular Northwest phrase that  means it might rain, but we might get to see the sun too). I feel...well, happy. For the first time in what feels like forever.

We had a new guy start on Tuesday. I'm mentoring him. I'll admit that I was dreading this task. This was going to be the third person I've mentored in the last five months. It's a challenge to mentor someone, and one of my mentors didn't turn out well.

This guy is great. He's easy going, funny, laughs at my jokes and he's super smart (much smarter than myself, but that's not really saying much). It's only been two days, but so far, so good. I have high hopes this one will work out.

I've eased up on myself about the weight thing. I went through a bad few days that included sugary, junk foods. Something I haven't indulged in for quite a while. Thankfully that only lasted a few days, and I've been back to healthy eating for several days now. Although the scale isn't going down, I'm hanging steady at 188.

I decided to give myself a break and stop beating myself up so much for my 30-pound weight gain. Yes, it's horrible, but it's not the end of the world. It's just something I have to deal with, and recently I just couldn't deal with it and my work situation too. 

Now that I've calmed down a bit about work, I feel able to tackle my weight problem. Number one is back to Weight Watchers and back to tracking. I haven't done either for over a month. My best friend has dropped out of Weight Watchers. She just gave up after months of not really trying. I've had months of not really trying too, but I refuse to give up.

Number two, back to reading my favorite blogs and commenting. I've been reading a lot of your blogs, but I wouldn't comment a lot of the times because I felt empty inside. It's hard to encourage someone else when I was feeling hopeless myself.

I'm finally seeing the light again.

I'm feeling fluffy / 189.0

Feeling fluffy for a human being is NOT a good thing.

I don't wear 189 pounds very gracefully. It's doesn't feel comfortable. I've passed the point where I'm a little overweight, now I'm into the obese category again.

My left knee hurts, I get out of breath easily and my blood pressure is up to hypertension levels (149/ 90--physical next month). I don't like this one little bit. I'm miserable.

I wrote a really bad post Wednesday night. I only left it up for about five hours. Only a few people read it before I got up at 5am and deleted it. As my 14-year old nephew said after he posted something awful on Facebook a few weeks ago (he sounded very angry and depressed)...he said "I'm sorry...that's not me. I didn't mean it." I'm saying the exact same thing.

It's strange how life slaps you up side the head one day, and you just think you're going to die from unhappiness. Sometimes that day turns into weeks. Then one day you wake up and it's like "oh well, that's life. Stuff happens. I'll be okay." That was me this morning. Whatever that thing was that I was going through seems to have passed for now.

My change of attitude came about early today. I had a really good workout at the gym. I didn't want to go, but I had to make myself go to the gym at 5:30am. I've been going, but not as often and not working out as hard as I was a few weeks ago. Today it was different. I felt the old me coming through. The woman that wants to be healthy, and actually gives a damn about her life.

Pretty good day today. Even if I am fluffier than I'd like to be. :)