Dear Abby shows her fat-phobia - again.

Dear Abby has done it again. A lady wrote in to share how she and her husband keep from screaming at each other when they have an argument - they go to the refrigerator and split a candy bar (they keep a supply there just for that). They both like chocolate, and by the time they have finished sharing the candy bar, they can speak rationally and calmly to each other. Sounds pretty sensible to me. Half of one candy bar isn't much, doesn't take that long to eat, but gives them something to do together that they like and gives them time to cool down and become rational again.
What does Abby have to say?

Ingenious. The two of you have discovered yet another reason why chocolate is good for the heart. I hope as time goes by you'll sustain a high level of compatibility because otherwise you're going to weigh a ton.

This is wrong on so many levels. Abby, you're assuming that people get fat from eating an occasional candy bar. You're assuming that this couple is going to be arguing several times a day, every day of the week, every week of the month, every month of the year, every year of their lives and eating candy bars every time they have an argument and that's going to make them fat. Fuck you, Abby, and your fat-phobic ASSumptions. Educate yourself about being fat, what really causes it - and it's not always eating tons of candy/"junk" food and sitting on one's ass all day long - and until then, STFU. You don't know what you're talking about, you have no empathy for fat people and what their lives entail, what they have to deal with on a daily basis from fat-phobic asshats like you, and you don't really care. If you cared, you'd take the time to educate yourself and you'd have more compassion for fat people. I really don't see that happening.

Happy in Seattle...sort of

Maybe "happy" is an exaggeration, but at least I'm not heartsick. Well, not totally anyway.

My heartsick post stemmed from me losing my two best buddies at work, both in the same week. Next week they're both moving to different teams. They'll still be on the same floor, and they'll still be my friends, but it will be different. Right now I know these two guys always have my back. I won't have that anymore.

Life goes on and since there's really nothing I can do about this situation, I have to get over it. I'm trying my best to stay positive, but it hasn't been easy. In my almost 28 years with my company, I've worked in several different areas and different cities. I've always had at least one and often two or three "best" friends at work. You know the kind of people I'm talking about. The kind where you can vent, and that you can trust 100%. The people that make you laugh when you feel like crying because you're so stressed out on your job. The people that are always there for you. Well, that's gone now. Even as I type this I feel the tears starting again (dammit anyway!).

Of course there will be new people, but I have this really strange feeling that it won't be the same. In fact, I'm positive it won't be the same. There are reasons I can't discuss here, but I know the new folks won't be my best friends, and they won't have my back. Oh well, that's life, right? It's painful to accept, but like I said, it's just the way things roll. It can't be "fixed".

Moving on to the issue at hand
My biggest problem right now (outside of me boohooing about my work situation), is my weight. Another dammit anyway topic. I didn't weigh this morning, but yesterday I was 187.8. Ouch! This is totally not where I want to be, and I don't know how to stop this roller coaster I'm on.

I'm not eating junk, I'm just continuing with eating too much of the healthy foods. It's all healthy. Fresh fruits and vegetables, baked or broiled chicken breasts and fish or shrimp, whole grain bread, Fage 0% yogurt, 2% cheese in very limited quantities (28 grams a day). That's pretty much all I eat, but I EAT TOO MUCH.

Every day starts out great. A great workout at the gym (almost every day, at least I'm still doing this right). A great breakfast, a great lunch, an afternoon snack, usually yogurt and fruit. Even dinner is usually healthy and a small portion. But I'm back to eating at night, late night.

I'm pretty sure this recent stint of night eating is because when I try to sleep I think about work. I can feel myself start to get upset and not wanting to think about it, but I can't shut my brain off. I wind up getting out of bed and grazing, and my grazing usually racks up about 500 calories or more. Last night it was three slices of Dave's Killer bread at 110 calories each (I need to stop buying this stuff because it too good), two bananas  and a cup of 1% milk, then later a giant bowl of fresh strawberries (the best strawberries ever). That's probably about 700 calories that was over my normal approximately 1500 calories. And I had the wise idea to skip the gym yesterday morning.

I really don't know how to get a grip on this out of control eating. I'm not eating junk, but I am eating way too much food. It's making me crazy that I feel so lost and out of control.

I guess "happy in Seattle" should probably have been titled "hopeless in Seattle".

Heartsick in Seattle

Yes, that would be me. I found out today that my other best friend at work is leaving my team. I knew he'd applied for a different job, and although I wished him the best, I secretly hoped he wouldn't go.

This is the second person to leave my team in one week, and they're my two best friends on the team. A year ago my absolute best friend on my team left the company. Now in one week I've lost my other two best friends at work.

These guys are more than just coworkers. They're actually friends. They help me with problems, they were my go-to people when I wanted a second opinion, and I felt like I was the same for them. They made me laugh even during the most difficult situations. I sort of feel like I'm getting divorced or something.

I feel really, really sad. Heartsick as Hopeful and Free would say. I know life goes on, but it's not going to be the same. I like the other people on my team. They're all nice people, but I just don't have the same type of relationship with them that I had with these guys.

For even more misery, I've spent the last two days sitting in on peer interviews. There's not much I hate about my job, except this one thing...interviews. I detest sitting in on interviews.

I skipped the gym this morning. I've gone the past four days, but this morning I just couldn't do it. I walked at lunch, a very brisk walk (which resulted in a blister because of rock in my shoe that I couldn't find...I think it was in my sock). By the time I was back at the office I was a sweaty mess.

When I got home my husband had picked up fried chicken from the deli (why?!). I ate two pieces, and no vegetables. Now I feel sort of nauseous, and very, very sad.

Not my best day.