Well, I had the ultrasound on Tuesday. They couldn't find my ovaries, not looking from the outside and not with the "dildocam" (I love that term). Evidently, menopause shrinks your ovaries, since they aren't working anymore. They did say my uterine lining is thin, which is good, and no fibroids, which is also good. I saw my doctor today for the endometrial biopsy and that was a bust (evidently I have cervical stenosis, which means the opening has shrunk enough that the 1 - 2 mm tool to get a sample wouldn't work). So now I get to see a gynecologist in Feb to see if he thinks I need a d&c or an MRI to figure out what's going on. Probably what will happen is that they'll want to wait and see if the bleeding recurs.
I also got weighed (lost another 4 1/2 lbs and I don't know how, I'm still not exercising any more than I have been for the last 3 or 4 months), and my blood pressure was a bit lower (it was 138/84 the last time I was in, this time it was 134/72). I asked if the weight loss could have started the bleeding, and the doctor said she didn't think so (maybe if I was 48, and had lost a lot of weight, and hadn't had a period in 6 months, but not at my age and not having had a period in 6 years). So now I get to wait a while longer to see what's going on, but I've decided it can't be too bad, no matter what the outcome because we're going to be catching it early if it is anything serious (doc thanked me for calling right away and having it checked, she said she was glad I hadn't waited).
And that's where the thank you to FA comes in. Y'all have helped me tremendously on this journey to loving my body, and part of loving it is taking care of it. Now, I will admit that, in the past, I have been lax about taking care of myself/my body. Part of that was because I was so damned sick and tired of hearing that all my problems were caused by TEH FATZ and if I would just lose weight, I would magically be healed of whatever ailed me. Part of it was probably due to the fact that I bought into the mantra that if you're fat, you don't deserve decent treatment, not from anyone else and not from yourself. Oh, outwardly, I told people to fuck off when they told me I was fat/ugly/stupid/worthless, but I internalized that hatred and did so many things to sabotage my self esteem and my health. I didn't fully realize that I was doing that until I found FA and then HAES. Y'all have opened my eyes, and my mind, to the fact that I don't have to be thin to deserve respect and I don't have to be thin to take care of myself. This body is the only one I'm ever going to have and I had better learn how to take care of it. That doesn't mean I have to be thin, it means I need to love me, ALL of me, and do what I know is best for me, no matter what size I am.
Now for the news. I got an email from FoxTV, asking if I would be interested in appearing on "The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet". Evidently my blog caught the eye of a talent assistant there, and they are looking for women like me with blogs to share our point of view with the world. Now, I don't watch TV in the morning unless DH has a day off work and is watching it, and I've never seen this particular show. Taking into consideration that it's FOX (with all that implies), the fact that DH works, is diabetic and squeamish about giving himself his insulin injections (I do those for him, and don't mind), I just couldn't figure out how I would be able to do something like this. I'm sorta kinda maybe flattered that they considered me, but I had to politely refuse. I did give her some recommendations of FA blogging ladies that I thought would do a great job, so if any of you are contacted by Fox, you can either blame me or thank me, depending on how you feel about the show and appearing on it. I don't know if this is good opportunity to get the word out about FA, I don't know what kind of viewership the program has, or how it will be treated (and I can guarantee you that if I decided to do the show, and they had MEMEMEME ROTH on there with me, they would have to tie me to the chair to keep me from decking that POS masquerading as a woman). Shades of Jerry Springer.....lol
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